On Columbus Day, Missy Aldritch Killed Her Husband George: The start to a crime fiction tale with dark comedic overtones. (Ver. 1.1)

Craig Hartranft

Poster for the 1950 B-Movie, "Deadly Is The Female"

© 2016+ Craig S. Hartranft (Usual caveats apply: this a rough draft, complete with spelling errors and grammar issues.)

On Monday October 12, it was Columbus Day and the day after her second wedding anniversary, Missy Aldritch killed her husband George, giving him a gut shot with her Sig Sauer and then a bullet to the head when he wouldn’t stop moaning and whining and asking why.

Missy didn’t know why. She really wasn’t good at why. Finding out why. Or wondering why. He just wouldn’t shut up.

Shooting George on that cool overcast morning seemed the best thing to do. He had the day off, all day. He had two plans that day. One was sleeping in, the other was detailing his 2014 Ford F-150 pick up truck.

Christ. Missy hated that thing. A silver behemoth that George drove one mile, total, back and forth each day to work. One half mile each way. Geez. He could have walked, worked off that damn beer gut he was developing.

Maybe that was the why. That fucking truck.

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Babylon Bee Owners, Seth and Dan Dillon, Both Avid Trump and Elon Musk Sycophants, Promise to Continue Their 100 Days of Lame and Hopelessly Unfunny Satire Articles

Craig Hartranft

The Dillons commented through a spokesperson, “In celebration of President Trump’s massive and astonishing election victory as the American Putin, his imperial reign, and his relentless pursuit of destroying democracy, we concluded that we should assist his tyranny by dumbing down our articles for his, and our, constituency with misinformation, innuendo, and out right lies. Our subscribers aren’t that bright anyway: 81% of Evangelical Christians voted for him … again. How stupid is that?”

Kyle Mann, Editor-in-Chief had few words for the decision going forward, “Well, they basically sign my paycheck, so what can I do? Maybe I’ll key their Subarus or spike their lattes with Jim Beam.”

 

Your Balls Will Freeze

Craig Hartranft

Teenage Boy in ShortsAbsalom Angus Armstrong was a curious fellow. He was a natural born observer, a man who enjoyed watching people with a keen mind for sardonic commentary upon the same. Commentary, sometimes, he was happy to broadcast to whomever would listen.

McCarron lived at the corner of Tree and Sunrise Avenues. The former was so-called because the housing developer and town bosses could not settle on the species of tree (which the town council had to approve and assigned to a later time and meeting which never occurred).

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